I'm almost done! 10 most popular developer lies
A person lies on average up to every 10 minutes, depending on the situation in which he is, and then utters about three lies – to such conclusions came the American psychologist Robert S. Feldman, professor at the University of Massachusetts (author of the book “understand psychology”). More than 60% of our average conversation is nothing more than missing the truth. The worst part is that most of the time we realize we’re lying. This or that human individual could be outraged by such a thesis, but Feldman proved that 80% of our – let’s call it euphemistically – not entirely true statements are so-called white lies. That is, those that we say with premeditation, and 20% are silent or are excessive coloring.
It’s hard to imagine that developers significantly delayed from this picture passing with the truth of man 🙂 let the first throw the mouse in the monitor this developer, who never lied at work! Are all the screens intact?
So let’s find out what are the most popular lies, lies and half-truths of programmers. We relied here on our personal contacts and on the penetrating questioning of friendly programmers. We played detectives, tracking statements on polish and foreign forums. We’d be lying if we saidthat was easy. However, we managed to collect a dozen of the most popular developers ‘ lies. Here are our top 10.
I’m almost done.
This is definitely the most popular tool is at the hand of many programmers. However, as the classic advertising slogan of a certain drink proclaims, it almost makes a difference. Of course, you can also treat: almost finished, as a kind of programming slang. It would mean something like: I have no idea when I’m done, I’m stuck, I’m not motivated, etc. However, it is not known why many people, especially superiors, take this statement too literally.
Of course, the documentation is complete
Yes, of course. Documentation is always complete. Unfortunately, often not the one that is dealt with by the developer concerned about it. With a high probability, we can assume that the more ardently dev convinces that the documentation is complete, the greater the problem we will face. Unless we assume that the dossier is full of … gaps. Then the lie takes on a different dimension and becomes the truth. Full.
I was just about to add a comment to the code
What bad luck! I was about to go to the computer. I’ve already put my fingers on the keyboard. All I had to do was pour on the screen a comment that I had just arranged in my head. And then suddenly there was a question that nullified all readiness for this heroic deedit shattered all the motivation to act, trampled on the desire to comment on anything. In this situation-no comment!
On my computer it works
Dude, I really don’t know what equipment you’re working on! This is the first time in a row. Look, it works on my computer! Oh, sorry, I forgot it hung up on me. Tough, but a good machine. I’ll show you later. Much later. Now you need to think about what you’re doing wrong, what’s not working for you. Well, I’ll leave you to your own devices.
It’ll be easy!
Sure! Piece of cake! Piece of cake! We can do this, boss! Okay, guys, does anyone know how to do this? Maybe I’ll fire up stack overflow. And if anyone asks, we’re almost done. All right, it’s been a week. It would be a good idea to start. I told you it would be easy.
I’ll start Monday.
Boss, it’s best to start at the beginning of the week. It’s Wednesday. Why start something we’re not gonna finish by Friday anyway? Boss, it’s Thursday. Not a good day to start a new job. No, it’s Friday. It’s almost like a weekend. All tired, no one thinks anymore. But I’ll definitely start on Monday! Why am i late? You know, tough weekend, boss. We should start the new week a little later. I’m gonna get my act together and start tomorrow.
It worked yesterday
I really don’t know what could have happened. Everything worked yesterday. Word! Charles is a witness! Oh, he wasn’t here yesterday. Anyway, it worked and now! I will not condescend to say that someone is deliberately sabotaging our project. Maybe it just broke and that’s it! It makes sense. Because if it worked, and it doesn’t anymore, then something must have happened in the meantime. When am I gonna fix this? I’ll start on Monday. It’ll be easy!
How many languages do I know? A lot, like 30.
I’m a programmer with a lot of potential. I’m constantly evolving and learning fast. So fast, I can’t even remember exactly how many programming languages I know. I think it’ll be 30 by now. Although there may be more. How well do I know them? I do not want to go into details, but you can assume that fluent. Excuse me? No, I don’t know that function. It’s probably from a language I don’t know either.
I’ll add it to my to-do list in a minute.
I’m already sitting in my computer and adding this to my to-do list! Yeah, boss, I’m sure it’ll be ready for tomorrow. Moreover, it will be for yesterday! I’m sure I won’t forget. How can I forget when I’m on the list? Well, I don’t have the list yet, but I’m gonna sit down at the computer and do it. For yesterday!
If it’s a bug, it’s definitely not in my code
No, that’s impossible. I ran my code down to the last semicolon. Everything is patched and transparent. I’m telling you, a reference code! If it’s a bug, it’s definitely not in my code. I can see it’s not working properly, but it’s probably the others who messed up. I can sense my own mistakes from a mile away. Because it’s very important to sense. Anyway, it worked for me last night. On my computer.