Crackers of the programmer

Crackers of the programmer

The programmer is not laughing. The programmer is coding all day. He’s serious, withdrawn, vicious. So say those who do not have any idea about programming, and their knowledge about coders is derived from biased American films, or from stories heard from someone, because they have never met a programmer themselves. It’s like a lion-it is known that it exists and runs somewhere out there in the wild, but most of us have not met it (a visit to the zoo is not a meeting of a pet in the wild).

However, the truth is that programmers are also people and they also like to laugh. Only the specificity of their humor is somewhat different. It is not their fault that representatives of other professions do not understand coder’s jokes. However, for those who would like to take this trouble and learn the secrets of a programmer’s humor, here are some simpler and more understandable examples of what makes programmers laugh. However, we note in advance that these are innocent pranks, and not rude malice in the style of HDD format.

Look out! The article contains biscuits. You read on your own responsibility.


How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?

– Not one, it’s a hardware problem.


Desktop Screenshot

Nothing amuses a programmer so much as a colleague who tries at all costs to click any icon on the desktop and it does not bring any result. In the head of a desperate programmer, the obvious suspicion arises that Windows has again refused to obey. Only the sight of fellow coders bursting with laughter turns on the warning light. Then the programmer-the victim quickly realizes that colleagues took a screenshot of the desktop and set it as wallpaper, having previously unchecked in the settings “show desktop icons”.

Two programmers meet:

– I heard you lost your job. What’s it like to be unemployed?
– That was the worst half hour of my life!


Shutdown

Oh, my god, the comp’s gone crazy again! I just clicked the web browser icon and Zonk! The equipment shut down. I’m trying to click a second time. Same thing. Turning on the comp, out of the corner of my eye I see that my friend Bartek is rubbing himself bent on the floor. Similarly-colleague Mariusz. It’s probably the pizza tonight. Well, well, they’re bursting with laughter! And then dazzle: under the icon of the internet they gave me a shortcut to the system shutdown function. Damn shutdown!

How to occupy the programmer?

– Read the sentence below.
– Read the sentence above.


Screamer

Sometimes it’s nice to shake a friend’s hand. Especially one who can often reflect, wander in the clouds, and therefore does not respond to the words and requests of colleagues. In this situation, it becomes invaluable to drop a program that at a randomly selected time suddenly starts a loud, unpleasant sound. I’m sure it’ll take everyone out of their minds. The victim will not immediately detect what is going on, because the program is only visible in the processes in the task manager.

The shortest joke in the world?

– HTML developer


Disobedient mouse

I click the left mouse button, and here suddenly appears a context menu. Right click, and here it selects a folder. Oh, my friends got bored again when I went to the toilet for a while and they switched the mouse buttons. Yeah, now they’re giggling, hiding behind their monitors. Hey, boss, unfortunately, I can’t do this job in five minutes. Hardware failure. However, Marian and krzyśek are free and willing to pull the subject. In the meantime, I’ll solve the problem. What? Well, the one … the one … with the pointing device.

Wife to programmer:

– Honey, do you realize that in some ways my gynecologist knows me better than you do?
– What can I do? I’m the user, he’s the admin.


Screen upside down

Mr. Paul, why are you standing on your head? That I’m standing on my head? How do you know that? After your screen? Let me see. Yeah, actually, you’re right. When you look so closely, there is indeed something here in reverse. I think I’m gonna change position, ‘ cause my head must be hurting. I think so. Good morning, Mr. Buddy. Why are we both standing on our heads? In our opinion, you’re the one standing on your head. That’s what the image on this monitor says. What are you doing? Did you change the settings? Yeah, now it turns out we’re the ones standing on our heads. You are saying that someone has changed the orientation of the screen in the settings. But who could be so ruthless?

What is this? Starts with a D, ends with an A, and uses a lot of paper?

– Printer.


Bluescreen

Charles, come quickly! Something’s wrong! Well, you got bluescreen! You didn’t save the data? Calm down, don’t jump out the window! I’m sure it’ll all work out. Why am I saying that? No, I’m serious. I just have this look on my face. Oh, man, I can’t! No, I’m not rolling around laughing on the floor. I’m just lying there. Okay, I’ll admit it, I put a program in your autostart that displays bluescreen. Charles, what about you?! Put the bottle opener down! It’s a dangerous tool, you can hurt me. Help!

Two programmers meet:

– Look, I need a random number generator.
– Fourteen…


Message over date

What time is it? I’ll take a look. What’s that? “Charles is a lamer!”. Hey, Smarties, what did you do? Why is this thing showing me over the date? Did you go through the control panel? Very funny! You’re about to cry too, but not out of laughter! I had a bottle opener somewhere. Let’s see if you’re brave enough to come face to face with him!

There’s an IT guy at the computer. His wife comes up to him and hands him coffee. He tries and says:

– You know I drink with sugar!
– Well, I know, but I just wanted to hear your voice.


Unruly DVD drive

Is he coming? No? Stop him! I don’t know, maybe ask him if he fixed that last bug. Or talk about the weather. It’s always safe. I’ll be right out. What do you mean, why am I installing this? The shortcut of this program will hide under the icon of the internet. When Charles clicks on it, he’ll get a DVD drive. It’ll be fun. Attention is back! Pretend you’re busy! I don’t know, anything! I’ll go on GitHub. Where’s the mouse? Oh, my god, I click on the internet, and the drive opens. Charles, I will not spare you!

Two computer scientists talking:

– It’s cold in this room. Could you close the window?
– Sure.
Alt + F4.


Program trigger

Marius, don’t you know what’s going on? Every five minutes my notebook starts up. Don’t snarl, just help. Be a good friend. Oh, again! You can’t work like that! Maybe it’s a virus? Take A Look, Marius. Why don’t you call Microsoft’s hotline? What are you grinning at? You’re about to get hiccups from laughing. Hey, is that your job? Did you set a new trigger in the task schedule? Admit it, or I’ll make you a tough guy!

What does a computer scientist say when he gets a thumb drive for his birthday?

– Thanks for remembering.


Changing the mouse pointer

Charles, why are you sitting there? Are you waiting? For what? Just like that, or for a specific purpose? Something went wrong and the mouse pointer is still busy? It might take some time.let’s go to lunch. How do I know this is gonna take? Mariusz was hanging around your computer, and he probably changed your mouse pointer to a busy indicator. He did the same thing to me last week. Charles, What do you want with this opener? We were supposed to go to lunch. You’ll have a drink later.

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